


It's not a side effect of the cocaine, I really think I'm in love

by ttsg



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alcohol, Cemetery, M/M, Partying, Recreational Drug Use, Religious Guilt, forgot to tag that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:08:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17426480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttsg/pseuds/ttsg
Summary: When it comes down to Heaven and Hell, people will do whatever it takes to justify where they think they belong.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again with another weird ass concept!!!

The room tilted, peoples faces blurring together. Brendon couldn’t be sure anymore if he knew the people around him or was just friendly enough to have people coming up and talking to him. 

 

He had had a few too many drinks already but it was okay. He was there to enjoy himself, right?

 

Spencer and Josh had come with him, more to watch over him than anything. 

 

It was Brendon’s idea when he was digging through a closet and found a ouija board at the back. Spencer and Josh were too drunk to realize what a bad idea it was, grinning at each other as they wandered the halls of the house to find someplace less crowded.

 

“Hey, you know what would be better?” Brendon started, grinning at the two of them. They gave him a quizzical look. He held up the ouija board and the two looked at each other skeptically. 

 

“Brendon, do you really think it’s a good idea?” 

 

Brendon shrugged, heading towards the door of the house. He still swayed on his feet a little as he walked, stepping outside. The cold air cleared his air and he shivered. His friends followed him outside, frowning as they felt the cold too.

 

“Why are we out here? We can just do that dumb shit inside,” Josh said, pulling his coat tighter to his body.

 

“Nah, come on, Josh. Don’t be a pussy. I want to go to the cemetery and summon a demon. Do you know how sick that would be?” Brendon asked, the grin on his face a little frightening to Spencer and Josh. They were used to Brendon’s crazy ideas, knowing fully that if they don’t go along with Brendon’s whims that he’ll complain until he’s blue in the face and then complain some more the next day. Usually, his ideas weren’t too dangerous, just bordering on ridiculously dumb. Josh sighed before shrugging, looking to Spencer.

 

“Sure, why not?”

 

They walk to the cemetery that was at the center of their town. It wasn’t a very big one and nobody had been buried there in years. The gravestones were from what seemed like forever ago. Brendon was pretty sure one was from the civil war but he couldn’t be sure. 

 

They sat down in a patch of grass that they hoped wasn’t someone's grave and pulled the board out. In all fairness, they knew nothing about ouija boards and seances. They sat there for a while, calling out to any spirits that might be nearby, (come on, there had to be spirits at a cemetery). But when nothing happened and the drunk was wearing off of them and the cold was seeping into their bones, they called it quits. They grabbed the board and stood, all three decided they were going to go back and finish their night by getting completely shitfaced.

 

They turn around to see a black figure crouched around a gravestone. They watched as the figure turned around, staring directly at them. The shadows made the figures face gaunt and Brendon was almost convinced that it was the head of a skeleton. When Brendon looked around him, he saw Spencer and Josh running at a dead sprint for the exit of the cemetery, leaving Brendon completely alone with this demon that they conjured up.

 

At that point, Brendon is either going to die or get out of their alive, depending on what this demon decides so he might as well let the curiosity control him. He stepped forward, staring directly at the demon. As he gets closer, the shadows on the figures face change and he can see that it’s not a skeleton, no, this is human. He recognizes the guy, too. They had a chemistry class together, not that Brendon would remember his name. The guy was quiet, always sitting in the back and never raising his hand. 

 

Brendon felt bad at that point. This guy was obviously mourning and they had interrupted him with their seance. Brendon wanted to apologize. How could they be so immature to interrupt a mourning man? He watched as the guy closed his bible when Brendon got closer. Brendon opened his mouth to apologize but froze when he saw the guy move. 

 

He had a dollar bill rolled up and that’s when Brendon noticed the small white line on top of the gravestone. The guy moved, snorting the line and sighing. Brendon wasn’t new to the world of drugs and it was pretty obvious this guy was snorting cocaine off of a gravestone. Brendon was dumb but he wasn’t messed up enough to do coke on someone’s grave. He’s done other stupid shit though, he couldn’t really judge.

 

“Oh, so that’s what mourning looks like,” Brendon said without thinking. The guy turns to him, shrugging as he sat down in the grass, leaning against the stone.

 

“Yeah, it’s my mom,” the guy said, eyes closing as he let the high hit him. Brendon looked at the gravestone, the name on it reading ‘Robert Stackhouse’ who died back in 1921. Brendon tried to do the math quickly in his head. He wasn’t sure how accurate his math was but close enough.

 

“You’re looking pretty good for eighty-seven,” he said and the guy chuckled, opening his eyes to look at Brendon.

 

“Good skin care regiment,” he mumbled and Brendon nodded, unsure what to say anymore. This guy was messed up, dealing with something in his head. He had to be messed up to do drugs in a cemetery.

 

“I’m gonna head back to Pete’s house. My friends are at the party and they kind of ditched me,” Brendon explained and the guy shifted. The guy lifted his head to look at Brendon.

 

“Oh, I was just at that party. I left to.. To mourn,” he said and Brendon knew it was a lie but the joke made him laugh. Brendon watched him scrape the rest of the cocaine he hadn’t used back into a small cut out he had done in the bible. Brendon wasn’t sure how he could be anymore surprised by this guy but he seemed to continously be surprised. He offered his hand to the guy when he was done with the bible and the guy took it.

 

“My name is Dallon,” he said and Brendon remembered the name from roll call. 

 

“Brendon,” he offered and the guy nodded.

 

“I know.”

 

It wasn’t a long walk back to the house but it was quiet. Brendon wasn’t sure where to go from cocaine in cemetery’s to ‘hey, how are you doing?’

 

One thing he was good at, though, was drinking and Dallon seemed to be down with that. They did shots together until the room spun again and Brendon clung to Dallon for help to stand. Spencer and Josh watched from afar for a little, noticing that Brendon didn’t leave Dallon’s side for too long. They tried to pry him off of Dallon’s arm at one point but Brendon clung closer, moving to rest his head against Dallon’s chest. They left him be. 

 

The left him be and they left him altogether. It took an hour for Brendon to realize. The party was dying down and Spencer had promised him a ride home. Dallon was holding Brendon’s hand as Brendon walked in circles around the house looking for his two friends.

 

“Shit,” he mumbled after awhile, Dallon stepping so he was pressed against Brendon’s side, “They fucking left me.” Dallon squeezed his hand, smiling.

 

“I live in walking distance, you could just crash with me for the night,” Dallon offered and Brendon smiled but shook his head.

 

“I couldn’t impose on you,” he said and Dallon rolled his eyes.

 

“I live in a one bedroom apartment,” he said and Brendon raised an eyebrow before smiling.

 

“Deal, let’s go.”

 

The walk wasn’t very long and when Brendon stepped inside, there was no couch. He kind of had a feeling that when Dallon stressed it was a one bedroom apartment, he was implying that they’d share a bed, that nobody would be around to hear what they did. Not that Brendon minded. Dallon was attractive and it had been awhile since he’d slept with anyone.

 

Dallon didn’t waste time in showing Brendon to his room. He was pushed down to the bed, Dallon following close. Brendon found it easy to lean up into Dallon, to tangle his fingers through his hair and pull him closer. Maybe it was the alcohol that made it so easy, Brendon didn’t care.

 

He wrapped his legs around Dallon’s waist, pulling him until their hips were pressed together until the cold night air that lingered on his skin was washed away with Dallon’s heat. He only shivered when Dallon’s hand slipped under his shirt, feeling along Brendon’s chest and stomach. Dallon didn’t bother taking Brendon’s shirt off, both of them too rushed with desperation. 

 

Brendon bit at Dallon’s lip when he felt Dallon’s hand on his cock. He’d been so focused on Dallon’s mouth that he never felt the hand at his pants, working them open and slipping inside. Not that he’d complain, anyway. 

 

His hips pushed up into Dallon’s hand and a small moan left his lips. Dallon pulled back, looking down at him. When Brendon opened his eyes, Dallon was smirking down at him. 

 

“That eager? How long has it been, baby?” Dallon asked, the pet name making Brendon blush.

 

“I am not,” he tried to lie, even though it was obvious he was just that eager.

 

“I want to fuck you. Get undressed.”

 

Brendon didn’t waste time with that, helping Dallon take his clothes off as well. They both laid there for a moment, looking each other over with red cheeks. Brendon was the first one to break the silence. 

 

“Do you have anything?” He asked and Dallon’s cheeks got redder when he nodded. 

 

“Yeah, in the desk over there,” he said pointing. Brendon found condoms and some lube there.

 

“Busy?” He asked, curious if Brendon was a name in a long list. Dallon shook his head.

 

“Not in awhile. Just nice to have. The lube was more for myself,” he admitted and Brendon laughed as he returned to the bed. 

 

Brendon ended up on top of Dallon, leaning down to kiss him while Dallon’s hands roamed his body again. It seemed like Dallon was content to stay on his back, not that Brendon minded.

 

“Can I ride you?” He asked in between kisses and it got a quiet groan from Dallon.

 

“Please,” he mumbled, pulling Brendon back down into a kiss. 

 

While it had been awhile for Brendon, too, he wasn’t a stranger to opening himself up. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he preferred that more than the alternative. 

 

They both moaned when Brendon finally sat back, working his way down Dallon’s cock slowly until their hips pressed together. He could feel Dallon underneath him, trying to push up, wanting to fuck Brendon more than what he was getting now.

 

“Fuck, slow down,” Brendon hissed, pressing a hand down onto Dallon’s chest to keep him somewhat still. It only took Brendon a few seconds before he started to move again, pulling small moans from Dallon’s mouth. He opened his eyes to look down and watch Dallon’s face, mumbling another ‘fuck’ as he realized how attractive Dallon looked like this. Maybe it was the alcohol that blurred his mind but for the time being, he thought that this was the best fuck he’d ever had.

 

It was easy to come when he was on top of Dallon, even easier when Dallon reached up to touch him, stroking him through his orgasm and following close behind Brendon. 

 

It was a one night stand though and while it seemed a little weird to sleep in the same bed, Brendon didn’t think too hard about it. 

 

He fell asleep easy but waking up was the strangest part.

 

He’d partied hard plenty of times, waking up alone in beds that he’d never remembered being in. Usually, he wasn’t naked and his ass wasn’t sore but that was a different story. He did remember what had happened, though. A little too clearly and he was a bit embarrassed. 

 

The weirdest part was that he was alone when he woke up. He didn’t expect to wake up to cuddling and kissing, maybe morning sex if they felt so inclined but being in a strangers house, naked and alone was, confusing. 

 

Brendon pulled on his underwear and stumbled through the apartment quietly. He was peeking into the bathroom when he heard something crash to the floor and a loud ‘oh no!’ that echoed through the small apartment. He was pretty sure he had found Dallon. 

 

He walked into the kitchen, Dallon faced away from him, standing in front of the stove. Brendon raised an eyebrow at the scene.

 

“Mornin’” he said, leaning against a wall. Dallon whips around, holding his arms out to try and cover whatever he was making. 

 

“No,” he said, his voice louder than it needed to be at eight in the morning in a small kitchen. Brendon winced, “No, no, no, go back to bed. Please, please, go back to bed,” Dallon said hurriedly. Brendon’s eyes got a bit wide but he nodded, retreating slowly. Dallon watched until Brendon was out of sight. He could hear things moving in the kitchen again. Brendon wasn’t sure what to do with himself so he sat back down on Dallon’s bed, crossing his legs. 

 

“Weirdest one night stand ever,” he mumbled, looking around Dallon’s room while he waited. He didn’t have to wait long. Dallon came in with a small tray and some plates on top of it but from the angle, Brendon couldn’t quite see what it was. He finally decided to just ask. 

 

“What is that?” He asked and Dallon looked down at the food and then back to Brendon.

 

“It’s breakfast,” he said, lowering the tray so that Brendon could see. Brendon was pretty sure that the tray was stolen from the campus cafeteria. He wasn’t judging Dallon, honestly. He had a couple of his own cups that he’d stolen, too.

 

“Why couldn’t we have just eaten at the table?” He asked, omitting the part about one night stands never eating breakfast together. Brendon was no stranger to a walk of shame. Even once, years ago, when he forgot his pants in his intense hangover. Dallon looked back down again, his facial expression looking almost sad when he did. When he spoke, his voice was higher and nervous. 

 

“It’s cuter like this,” he said, sitting down a few feet from Brendon, setting the food down between them. He handed a plate over to Brendon. He couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“You’re ridiculous.”

 

He looked down at his plate to see three pancakes. The top was undercooked and when he poked it with his fork, it was still battery. He was polite though, Dallon, while he didn’t know what a one night stand was, had tried to do something nice. He cut a piece off and took a bite. He didn’t think he’d had any pancake before that was that awful. He swallowed regardless, not wanting to upset Dallon. He lifted the pancake with his fork to see the underside. He didn’t think that he’d seen a pancake that was this black before. 

 

Dallon was obviously watching and Brendon could feel the nervous energy radiating off of him. 

 

“How are they?” Dallon asked after a minute, his fork clattering as he set it down on the plate. Brendon nodded, smiling as he tried to swallow the burned taste out of his mouth.

 

“Oh, they taste good!” He said, smiling.

 

“Really? It was my first time making pancakes,” Dallon admitted but his small smile was worth it. Brendon was noticing that Dallon was two completely different people. This wasn’t anything that he had seen from Dallon, a little cocky and mostly sexual. But now? He was sweet, blushing and shy, anxious about his pancakes. 

 

“I couldn’t even tell,” Brendon lied, taking another bite. As hard as he tried to fight it, the taste of burned food was too much and he gagged, covering his mouth as he coughed. Dallon sighed, looking down.

 

“You don’t have to eat them if they’re bad. I have a bowl of fruit my mom brought over that we can eat,” Dallon said, setting his own plate down. He’d only eaten one bite. He knew that Brendon had lied.

 

“Please? I’m so sorry but they’re horrible.”

 

Dallon didn’t take it too hard. He laughed and nodded, getting up and grabbing their plates and returning them to the kitchen. Dallon came back with a large mixing bowl and set it between them. It was filled with fruit. He set down a can of whipped cream next to it and two forks. Brendon smiled and the two of them ate fruit and fought over the can of whipped cream until the whipped cream was gone and they were full. 

 

He was still confused. Brendon had been around the block a couple times. He hadn’t ever been in a serious relationship, he just wanted to have some fun but this was unlike any other morning. He didn’t know what to make of it and he finally spoke up. 

 

“Can we talk about last night?” He asked, not sure if they weren’t on the same page or something along those lines. Dallon didn’t look up.

 

“What about it?” He asked and Brendon froze. Was Dallon too drunk and high to have remembered? He didn’t know if he should be blunt. If Dallon wasn’t aware of what happened and ended up not liking what they had done, Brendon would feel like shit.

 

“About what happened…?” He tried and Dallon shrugged. He was starting to get more and more scared that he was the only one who knew what happened. 

 

“Like.. Our conversation?” Dallon asked and Brendon bit his tongue for a moment. Dallon really didn’t remember. How can he break the news. What if Dallon wasn’t even interested in men and he had no idea what he had done.

 

“You don’t remember?”

 

“I do remember. We had a really nice conversation in my bed last night,” he said and grabbed the can of whipped cream, trying to spray out any last remnants from the can. It mostly just got on the corner of his mouth which he had to wipe off. 

 

“Conversation? Do you remember anything else?”

 

Dallon sighed.

 

“I remember everything from last night. We had a conversation and then we fell asleep.”

 

Brendon took a deep breath, setting his fork down. It seemed like Dallon remembered everything up until they fell asleep which meant he had to remember them having sex. Maybe he was just in the closet with himself, repressing the fact that he was gay and calling it a conversation to keep his feelings at bay. Brendon had always been attracted to tortured boys who were messed up in the head and Dallon seemed to be no different. It almost made him laugh. 

 

“Anyway, do you want to play sorry?” Dallon asked, the words throwing Brendon off still. He nodded regardless and waited while Dallon pulled the game out from his closet. Brendon got his ass kicked in the game. It was obvious that Dallon played this quite a bit. His strategy was too good for Brendon. 

 

They played twice before Brendon sighed, standing up and pulling his pants on. 

  
“I really need to go home and shower off the booze and…” he stopped himself from saying sex.

 

“Yeah, I understand. Thanks for hanging out. I’d like to do it again sometime!”

 

Brendon left the apartment more confused than he had been in a long time.

 

It was the next weekend and there was a party. When wasn’t there a party?

 

He showed up and saw Dallon lurking and he smiled. He couldn’t lie, as weird as it was, as fucked up as Dallon had to be in the head (I mean, come on, he snorted cocaine off a tombstone), Brendon enjoyed it.

 

Brendon walked up to him, smiling and Dallon smiled back. They chatted while they drank, standing in the kitchen pouring drink after drink until the room span again. Brendon watched as Dallon pulled a small bag out, snorting a line off the counter. Everyone around them was too drunk to notice. Brendon just watched in shock, not sure what he should even do, if he should say anything or just let it be. 

 

But the party got boring and most people had passed out. Dallon grabbed him by the sleeve, leaning over Brendon, his body pressed tight up against him.    
  
“My place?” He whispered and Dallon hated how his cock twitched at the invitation. 

 

They stumbled back, clothes dropping after the door was shut. They were naked by the time they hit the bed. Dallon didn’t wait this time, his hands going to Brendon’s ass, fingers exploring. This time, he had lube under his pillow like he expected to find Brendon at the party. 

 

Brendon moaned when he felt a finger push inside of him, leaning down to muffle himself in Dallon’s neck. 

 

“Ride me again,” Dallon whispered, fucking Brendon slowly with his finger before pushing a second in. This wasn’t new for Brendon but something felt different. Maybe it was what he expected come morning, the anticipation of the sweet side of Dallon that wasn’t and couldn't whisper these sexual things. Brendon nodded into his neck, grabbing the lube and stroking Dallon. 

 

Brendon kissed him as he sat back on Dallon’s cock, both of them breaking the kiss to moan. Brendon stopped moving when he felt Dallon grab his hips, pulling back so he could stare down at Dallon. They were both breathless and Dallon squeezed Brendon’s hips, pushing up into him. Brendon smirked, moving slowly. He tried to tease Dallon as long as he could but when Dallon grabbed the base of his cock and looked at him, it was too much.

 

“You don’t get to come until I do,” Dallon said, the words sending a shiver through Brendon’s body. It wasn’t every day that Brendon would do as he told. Maybe it was the way Dallon said it but he moved faster, listening to the way Dallon moaned. Brendon joined in when Dallon stroked his cock again, both of them coming seconds apart. 

 

Brendon slumped down on top of Dallon, panting into his shoulder. Dallon’s arms wrapped around him, holding Brendon tight. Like the first time, it wasn’t a normal one night stand. But it wasn’t that either. It wasn’t a normal friends with benefits situation either but Brendon didn’t complain. 

 

“That was a great conversation,” Dallon mumbled, still trying to catch his breath too. Brendon only snorted.

 

He only had enough energy to pull off of Dallon, still mostly on top of him, Dallon’s arms never letting go of him. That was how Brendon fell asleep, tangled up with Dallon and even if he wouldn’t let himself admit it, he liked it. 

 

Brendon woke up when he heard the door open, blinking as he rolled over to see Dallon with a tray of pancakes. There was a bowl of fruit and a new can of whipped cream already out on the bed. Brendon didn’t know what to say but he sat up, keeping the covers over his lap. Dallon was wearing only his boxers and he tossed Brendon’s to him before sitting down. 

 

Brendon didn’t have any shame as he stood up, pulling them on and feeling Dallon’s eyes on him the whole time. He thought that maybe it might remind Dallon. He had said conversation last night too, Brendon remembered. 

 

He sat down again and finally looked at the pancakes. They were undercooked again on top and Brendon used a fork to peek under them and it was the same on the bottom.

 

“I’m sorry but there is no way I’m eating these,” Brendon said but Dallon didn’t seem upset by that.

 

“I was just trying not to burn them,” he confessed, looking at his own and laughing. 

 

“You definitely didn’t burn them.” Dallon laughed, grabbing both of the plates and moving them.

 

“Shut up,” Dallon said, his voice shaking from trying to hold back his laugh. Brendon watched him, smiling all the while. Dallon moved the pancakes aside and grabbed the bowl of fruit and the whipped cream. Brendon still didn’t understand what was going on in Dallon’s head or what he thought this was but it gave Brendon a weird feeling. It was sweet, it was dorky. Sitting together in bed in only their underwear, eating fruit and squirting whipped cream into their mouths. It felt more like they had been dating for years when they did that rather than sleeping together twice. It felt easy to be around Dallon and it scared Brendon. Feelings were something he had definitely avoided most of his life.

 

“Do you want to play a video game?” Dallon asked after he’d come back from putting the fruit away. He was crouched down in front of the small TV Dallon had in his room. Brendon shrugged.

 

“Sure, I’m alright at Fortnight,” he said and Dallon just turned and gave him a look before shaking his head. Brendon watched as the screen came up. It was the Wii and the game was MarioKart. Brendon couldn’t remember the last time he’d played that game, let alone touched a Wii remote. He didn’t complain though.

 

They sat on the edge of Dallon’s bed, both of them elbowing each other to try and mess the other one up. Brendon finally got the lead and shouted about it, right before the remote was ripped from his hands. He didn’t process it, staring at the screen with his mouth open before he looked up at Dallon. He stood with his arm and the remote high above his head, his own lying on the bed. Brendon glared, standing up and trying to grab it back. He clung to Dallon, trying to get up to his head but he couldn’t. Brendon glared again, leaning up on his toes and kissing Dallon at the corner of his lips. It shocked Dallon enough to freeze, giving Brendon the opportunity to grab the remote back. Dallon didn’t comment, grabbing his own and continuing the race. Neither of them got first place but Dallon beat Brendon. 

 

They played again, Brendon in first place and Dallon didn’t try to take the remote. Dallon was close behind him, though. Brendon was so close to the finish line when Dallon got a lucky shot with a green shell. He passed Brendon right as Brendon started moving again. Dallon got first place and Brendon got second, just barely behind Dallon. Brendon huffed, falling back on the bed and groaning. 

 

“Suck my dick,” he groaned, watching Dallon. He looked back at Brendon, his face not changing.

 

“I’m not gay,” Dallon said, his tone serious compared to how joking Brendon had been. He sat up, turning so he faced Dallon.

 

“That wasn’t what you said last night,” Brendon replied. Dallon shrugged.

 

“We had a long conversation last night but I never said I was gay,” he clarified and Brendon didn’t know how to argue that. He was right. He never  _ said  _ he was gay but fucking another guy was a pretty gay thing to do. At least bisexual but he figured Dallon would have clarified that he was bisexual if he wasn’t gay.

 

“Well, you didn’t say much last night. Your mouth was pretty busy,” Brendon said and Dallon shrugged again. 

 

“It was just a conversation,” Dallon said and it frustrated Brendon that he dumbed it down. He stood up and pulled his clothes on.

 

“I need to get home and shower after that conversation,” he said, not sure what else he could say. Dallon nodded and smiled and Brendon left, more confused than he’d ever been.

 

They had seen each other at a couple of parties, Brendon too confused to approach him for longer than a couple conversations. He didn’t know why he cared so much about Dallon not admitting that they had done anything. It shouldn’t matter. It was just for fun. There was a night when they exchanged numbers. Finals came around and parties died down. Brendon tried to focus on school because he knew that after finals, the parties would go hard and that’s all he wanted. 

 

The night finals ended, there was a party that Brendon had been invited to. None of his friends were in the mood for it so Brendon pulled his phone out and tried. He invited Dallon and was surprised at how quickly he got a yes. 

 

Brendon showed up and Dallon had waited for him at the door. They walked to the kitchen together, downing drink after drink until the room span. Brendon was too used to the feeling. He wasn’t surprised either when Dallon pulled his small baggie out, wasn’t shocked when Dallon offered some to Brendon. He turned it down and watched as Dallon did it himself, cleaning the counter off and wiping his nose. Brendon smiled, grabbing Dallon by his shirt and pulling him in close. Dallon leaned down like he expected a kiss. Brendon didn’t go that far, whipsering into his ear.

 

“Let’s have a conversation,” he whispered and when he pulled away, he saw the look in Dallon’s eyes and the smile on his lips.

 

“Hell yeah,” he responded, dropping down to his knees, his eyes staying on Brendon’s. There was a moment before Brendon realized what Dallon had done. He reached out and touched Dallon’s hair, moving to cup his cheek before grabbing the collar of his jacket.

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” he mumbled, pulling until Dallon stood up. He kissed Dallon that time, pulling away to see Dallon smiling again, “Let’s go back to your place.”

 

Dallon grabbed his hand and didn’t let go while they walked back to Dallon’s apartment. 

 

They barely made it in the door before Dallon was back on his knees, his hands at Brendon’s hips, pulling him closer. This time, Brendon didn’t complain. He helped Dallon instead, pushing his jeans down to the ground. He sighed when he felt Dallon’s mouth on him, reaching out and grabbing his hair.

 

“Long hair suits you, especially when you’re on your knees,” he mumbled, feeling Dallon hum his response around Brendon’s cock. He’d never been a talker but the confusion, even through the alcohol kept his mouth going. “You suck dick pretty good for a straight guy.”

 

Dallon pulled off for a moment, looking up at Brendon and smirking.

 

“Yeah, I’ve been practicing,” he said, moving forward and taking Brendon’s cock back into his mouth. Brendon would have had something to say but the warm mouth on his cock again, the feeling of Dallon’s throat around him stopped the words. All he could do was moan, his grip on Dallon’s hair getting tighter and tighter.

 

He came in Dallon’s mouth and Dallon smiled as he pulled off, swallowing and wiping his mouth.

 

“Do you want me to do anything for you?” He asked, not wanting to leave Dallon hanging. Dallon only shook his head.    
  
“Cuddle with me and we’ll call it good,” he said, standing up and taking Brendon’s hand to lead him back to his bedroom. Not like Brendon couldn’t have found his way without help. He’d been in Dallon’s apartment a few times already. 

 

They stripped down to their underwear, laying down. Dallon turned his back to Brendon, lifting his arm like he was waiting. Brendon couldn’t help but smile. He’d never seen a man that tall who desired to be the little spoon. Brendon didn’t mind. He curled up behind Dallon, his arm wrapping around Dallon’s waist and holding him close.    
  
Brendon still didn’t understand what Dallon’s deal was. This was nothing he’d ever been involved with before. He didn’t know if there were any feelings. Only Dallon’s side or his own. He figured it might be about comfort. Relationship or not, the knowledge of waking up next to someone, cuddling with someone, it made Brendon happy and he could easily assume that it made Dallon happy as well. Confusing as it was, Brendon was realizing he liked the closeness.

 

When he woke up, Dallon was sitting on the bed with food already laid out. He smiled as Brendon blinked his eyes open.

 

Brendon sat up and looked at the pancakes and he was surprised. The top was a perfect golden brown and he smiled. Dallon smiled too, handing a plate over for Brendon. There was a fork and knife already on his plate. He tried to cut it, finding it a little harder to cut than it should have been. There was an obvious crunch sound before his knife hit the plate harder than intended. Brendon moved his fork to try and flip the pancake over to see what it looked like when Dallon reached out and touched his hand gently.

 

“Please don’t,” he whispered. Brendon does anyway and it was completely black. He cringed a little at the sight of it.

 

Dallon leaned over the side of the bed, picking up a large bowl of fruit, whipped cream coming up next. Brendon laughed as they both shoved forks into the fruit, eating until they felt like they would burst.

 

They laid around, talking and being lazy. It was comfortable and Brendon just assumed. That was his first mistake. Or maybe it was going home with a boy that was dealing with  _ something  _ in his head. He leaned in without thinking, reaching out to touch Dallon’s cheek as he tried to kiss him. Dallon turned his head when Brendon did, leaving Brendon to place a kiss on his cheek instead. Brendon sighed, pulling back and dropping his hand to his own lap. Dallon turned to give him a look.

 

“Why did you do that? What was that for?” Dallon asked, his nose scrunching in confusion. Brendon opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find an answer. He couldn’t think of a way to respond. How could he answer something that was so glaringly obvious. 

 

“Nevermind, I’m just going to go,” he said, standing up and pulling his clothes on. If Dallon wasn’t so oblivious, he’d have noticed that Brendon was annoyed. Dallon either didn’t care or was completely oblivious to it. He smiled and waved as Brendon left the room.

 

“Have a lovely day!”

 

It was a couple weeks later when Dallon texted him, asking him to go to a party together. Brendon needed an excuse to go out so he said sure. They met up in the small house, already filled with people. It was like any other time, shot after shot, watching Dallon snort a line before standing and smiling. It seemed like every time they were together there was undeniable sexual tension that neither of them knew what to do with. Brendon was drawn in every time, watching Dallon’s lips and how they looked around his cock. Even his cock, and how good it felt inside of him. He wanted more, even when it was awkward and confusing come morning. 

 

Confused as he was, Brendon let Dallon grab his hand, pull him to his apartment, to the bedroom. He helped Dallon out of his clothes while Dallon did the same to him. Dallon was pulling Brendon to the bed when he spoke.

 

“I have something to do in the morning so I can’t stay up late. How about I just suck your dick and we go to bed?” He asked and Brendon nodded his head.

 

Brendon could easily say that Dallon’s lips were distracting.

 

He woke up to Dallon tripping over his feet. He sat up, watching Dallon practically run around his small room. 

 

“Where are you going?” Brendon asked between yawns, a little disappointed he couldn’t lay down and sleep more or even have breakfast in bed. He liked that a little too much.

 

“I woke up late. I have church in thirty minutes and I’m forty minutes away. Either you’re coming with me or leaving now, I don’t care,” Dallon said, stumbling as he hopped, trying to get socks onto his feet. Brendon watched for a second, not sure which he wanted. It kind of became a thing to him to stay with Dallon after a night together. He thought for a moment.

 

“You have a shirt I can borrow?” He asked and the smile he got from Dallon was blinding.

 

Dallon was quiet on the drive, passing by cars a little too fast. Brendon adjusted his collar, not used to wearing a button down anymore. 

 

Dallon started talking out of nowhere.

 

“The bishop went to my mom a couple weeks ago and said that he would appreciate it if I joined them today. I guess they’re having a special sermon that he wanted me to witness,” he explained, not that Brendon asked. He could tell though that Dallon was vibrating with nervousness. It was pretty obvious. He tried to lighten the mood.

 

“Probably a sacrifice. Happened in my church a lot,” he mumbled. Dallon chuckled but didn’t comment.

 

Because of Dallon’s speeding, they had a couple of minutes to spare. They walked inside, everyone else already seated. They found a spot in the last pew together, just moments before the bishop took his place and started to talk. It had been years since Brendon had been inside of a church but he appreciated the idea of it, even if he didn’t consider himself religious. 

 

The topic changed and Brendon realized why it was today, specifically, that Dallon was asked to come. The bishop brought up sexuality. It was sweet, though, unlike what Brendon might have expected. He talked about how God loved his children, how love was love, regardless of gender. 

 

He made it a point to say that everyone, no matter who they loved, man or woman, were welcome in the church, in his heart, and in God’s heart. Brendon noticed the way that the bishops eyes lingered on the last pew where they were. Brendon turned to look at Dallon. His head was hung, eyes staring down at his feet, his hands clasped together so tight that his knuckles were white. Brendon reached out to touch his knee, startled when Dallon stood up abruptly. 

  
“I’m going to the bathroom,” he said, his voice as tense as his body was. Brendon stared up at him, watching as Dallon all but ran. He watched as a hand went to Dallon’s face like he was wiping away a tear. 

 

Every eye turned to Brendon, the bishop stopping in his place. Brendon stood up, awkwardly waving at the people staring. He mouthed ‘sorry’ as he ran out of the room, following Dallon to the bathroom. 

 

There was only one stall with the door locked and it was obvious who it was. Brendon felt his heart clench when he heard Dallon sniffle.

 

He sat in front of the stall, full well knowing that Dallon could see his legs under the stall door. 

 

“What’s going on?” He asked, waiting silently for Dallon to explain. He almost thought that Dallon was going to ignore him when he heard the stall door lock move, pushing the door open slowly. Brendon moved so his shoulder held the door opened. 

 

Dallon was sat on the toilet, cross legged, his hands covering his face. He sniffled a couple more times before he sat up straight, sighing and looking down at Brendon.

 

“I’ve never admitted it to anyone. I haven’t even said it out loud,” he mumbled and Brendon knew where it was going. He waited silently, not wanting to rush Dallon. This had to be something he did on his own.

 

“I realized I was gay like, senior year. I didn’t do anything because my parents, they’d never understand. They’re so religious. I thought that college would be a good way to, find myself? Except that I am religious. I believe in God and Heaven and Hell. I believe that God made man and woman for each other, that ‘man shall not lie with man’ and that that is a reason to go to hell. But I don’t want to be in hell because I fell in love with yo- with someone. I don’t want to be tortured for all of eternity because I was happy. So, I partied. I do drugs. If I go to hell for partying and  _ then  _ having sex with a man, then it’s not just ‘cause I’m gay,” he explained and Brendon wasn’t sure how to process it. He didn’t think that there was anything he could say to make this better. There was nothing he could do to convince Dallon that God didn’t care, that God would love him regardless. That had to come from someone who Dallon looked up to. It was what the bishop was trying to say today.

 

“Did you listen to the bishop?” Brendon asked after it was a few minutes of silence and sniffles. 

 

“It didn’t seem real,” he whispered, wiping his eyes again. Brendon hadn’t been watching his face, scared that too much pressure would make Dallon run. “I feel like I’m so far down the rabbit hole that it’s irrelevant. There’s no way that God could love me,” he said, watching as Brendon stood up and held a hand out. 

 

Sober Dallon grabbed his hand and let Brendon lace their fingers together. He let Brendon lead him outside and even let Brendon kiss his cheek outside of the church.

 

The drive home was dead silence except when Dallon sniffled. Brendon wanted to break the silence but there was nothing more he could say. Dallon parked his car out front of his apartment, his eyes staring off into space straight ahead. It was tense and he thought that after the church that maybe he had gotten somewhere. 

 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Brendon asked tentatively. He watched as Dallon inhaled through his nose and exhaled.

 

“Just go,” he said, the words sounding so small and broken. Brendon knew better than to fight it. He left the car and walked home. 

 

Throughout the weeks they had texted but it was obvious that Dallon wasn’t the same. He was antsy. He didn’t know when he developed feelings. Sometime between drunken nights and pancake mornings. He felt a knot in his stomach and it didn’t ease until he decided that he would stop by Dallon’s apartment. Not before he went to the store, buying a bottle of vodka. 

 

He knocked and waited, smiling when Dallon opened the door. He was obviously confused to see Brendon standing on the other side.

 

He held the bottle up for Dallon to see. 

 

“Let’s have a conversation,” Brendon said, handing the bottle to Dallon. He took it, letting Brendon inside. They walked towards the kitchen, Brendon quieter than usual. He set the bottle down on the counter, turning around. He was staring at the ground, his lips pressed into a thin line.

 

There was a moment where Brendon panicked. After Dallon’s confession, he wasn’t sure that this is what Dallon wanted anymore. Dallon shook his head slowly and Brendon felt that knot come back. Brendon had been turned down for sex before. Lots of times and for various reasons. This was the only time that stung. 

 

Dallon spent a few minutes thinking and Brendon was sure he would be asked to leave.

 

“No, let’s have sex,” he said, taking Brendon’s hand like he’d done before. This time was different, though. Neither of them drank and when Brendon looked in Dallon’s eyes, just before kissing him, his eyes were normal. This was Dallon, sober and coherent. This was Dallon wanting to be with Brendon, to lay down in bed with him, to touch each other and to make each other happy.

 

It was easy to lay in bed with Dallon, to hold him close. It was even better now that he’d remember all of it, clearly, a couple of hours from now. 

 

Brendon came, wrapped up in Dallon’s arms and with Dallon’s mouth on his. 

 

He woke up in the morning to find Dallon walking in the door. It was like every morning they’d had together minus the bad aftertaste of alcohol come morning. He set the plate of pancakes down shortly followed a bowl of fruit, like he expected the pancakes to come out badly. The side facing up was perfect again. Brendon got his fork underneath it before he paused. 

 

“If the other side of these are runny, I’m throwing a strawberry at you,” he threatened and the grin he got from Dallon had him forgetting what he was doing for a moment. 

 

“I’m actually proud of these, I think. Try them,” he said, waving his hand towards Brendon’s plate. Brendon decided not to flip it over. He cut into the pancake, taking a bite of it. He frowned, looking up at Dallon.

 

“These taste..” he paused, trying to tease Dallon. It was golden on the other side, the pancakes were soft and fluffy in his mouth. The look of sadness on Dallon’s face was close to heart breaking. Brendon couldn’t keep the joke up much longer. He grabbed the bowl of fruit, Dallon’s eyes on him the whole time, the sadness obvious. Brendon sighed, grabbing the spoon in the bowl and fruit onto the pancakes.

 

The sigh of relief from Dallon was heartwarming. This time, when Brendon leaned in to kiss Dallon, he didn’t turn away. He kissed Brendon back and pulled away with a smile.

 

  * Shortly after, Dallon flushed the rest of his cocaine and quit drinking altogether.
  * Dallon took some cooking classes and found that he loved it more than he thought.
  * Brendon grinned from ear to ear when Dallon graduated from culinary school.



  
  



	2. Epilogue

Dallon had worked hard to get to where he was. He’d been working in restaurants since he’d gotten finished with school. He had been dreaming of opening his own, and now, it was a reality. He knew it was only possible because Brendon was by his side. It was only right to have Brendon there on opening night.

 

Brendon was escorted to a table in the center of the room, Dallon nowhere in sight. Brendon didn’t worry about it. He assumed that Dallon was in the back, busy prepping before the big night.

 

He looked around and saw everyone at the tables around him had a menu but he didn’t. A waitress was passing by and Brendon waved her over. She stopped, smiling at him. She knew him, obviously. Brendon had been helping out where he could and everyone who worked there knew who Brendon was by now.

 

“I don’t have a menu?” He asked, hoping she’d bring one by for him. He wanted to know what Dallon had decided on.

 

“Boss’s orders. We were told not to give you one. He picked something out for you,” she said, walking away. Brendon sat there, silent and a little annoyed.

 

It wasn’t very long before Dallon stepped out from the kitchen.

 

“I’d like to welcome you all,” he started, all the heads turning to look at him. He stood directly behind where Brendon was sat. Brendon turned to look at him. Dallon looked down for a minute, his smile growing before he continued. “Now, I’m sure you all are wondering what the Brendon special is. I would like the very first person that would try it to be the man himself,” Dallon said, all eyes turning to Brendon as a plate was brought out and set in front of him. It was pancakes that were black, mixed fruits on top with a dollop of whipped cream. On top of the whipped cream was a ring. Brendon stared at it for a second, confusion before realization. He turned back around to find Dallon on his knee, smiling up at Brendon, waiting for an answer. 

 

Brendon all but tackled him to the ground, clinging to Dallon like his life depended on it. He repeated ‘yes’ over and over until Dallon shut him up with kiss after kiss. The whole restaurant applauded them, smiling when Dallon finally broke free of Brendon’s grip. He stood up, trying to stay upright with how Brendon clung to his side.

 

“Now, I know it doesn’t look like the best of pancakes, but there’s a story. It all started when….”

 

**Author's Note:**

> in all honesty, this whole story came to be because my sister and i were on a night drive and we went by a cemetery and she said "can we write a story about dallon snorting coke off a tombstone or is that too far?" and i said "thats too far" and she said "so we're right it, right?" and i said "yeah" and here you are!


End file.
